Day 21 - Morphine

I woke for good around 6am, after spending the night on the lounge room couch, dozing off in between intermittent waking and a generally interupted night's sleep. My mouth was not too bad, it was dry, but the Difflam was helpful and not using the mouth paste was definately beneficial. But my throat was still extremly sore.

I was able to eat a fruit salad and custard followed by an Up N Go, although it wasn't easy. I followed this up with my normal mouth, teeth and neck hygiene routine.

I did a few hours work. It helps to take my mind off my treatment and the accompanying pain. I wasn't due at hospital until 3.20pm.

I had my regular appointment with the Medical Oncologist today after my radiotherapy session, and I was keen to repeat to her my troubles with pain. She, like the Radiation Oncologist yesterday, recommended I use the morphine and re-prescribed the medicine (saying the Doctor yesterday hadn't written it up correctly - she tore up the original prescription).

This time I explained my reticence to use this and the cocaine medicine, and to her credit, she understood and spent a few minutes explaining the difference between cocaine and morphine based drugs as I understood them, and the medicines they were prescribing for me. She went into detail regarding the medical, molecular and dosage differences, and how they are used in cancer treatment. I thanked her for the thorough explanation and said I'd consider it (I still felt uneasy).

On my way home, I went to the pharmacy and purchased the morphine. I already purchased the cocaine mouthwash, and figured at some point I'm going to try these medicines because the pain would demand it.

I explained the conversation I'd had with the Doctor with Vicki and she was right behind their advice. You do what you've got to do to manage the pain. I asked her to help me manage the pain because I felt her Nursing training would help me. Until now I was using the pretty useless but necessary trial and error method to see which medications and in what combinations worked best. Trouble was, I wasn't doing a good job of remembering the combinations that worked best. So Vicki prepared a diary listing each of the medicines in my arsenal, alongside columns representing each day, and cells into which I would write the times I had each on each day. Utilising this diary quickly helped to identify the most appropriate combinations and at which times of the day taking them was most beneficial.

Vicki also mentioned that the Doctors would probably appreciate seeing this diary.

For dinner, I made up a Sustagen based smoothie, but it too tasted pretty ordinary. I managed to finish it however. I didn't have anything more before I did my M&T Routine and plastered more Sorbalene over my neck, which was getting sorer and sorer each day due to the burning from radiation.

I stayed up watching a bit of tele, before washing my mouth with the cocaine mouth wash and going to bed around 12.45am. I was tired, but feeling as though I was finally getting on top of managing the pain. One thing I knew for certain, I didn't feel any pain while I slept.